Change...

Hi friends! As these past few sunny days have reminded me that spring is just around the corner....I am reminded that change, however awkward and difficult it may sometimes be, is a good thing!  Woot!  So....I have moved my blog to a new address:

http://becausejustmaybe.blogspot.com/

Would love for you to visit me there! God bless and happy hopes for spring. :)

CONFESSIONS: I am a Liar

Alright, here is the truth. I am not who you think I am. When you see me, when you look at me- however intently- what you are seeing is rarely me. Why? Because I am a liar. A good one. In fact, I have become a completely exceptional practitioner of the craft. But I have realized something lately. When I experience even the greatest successes in my trade, I have no one to share them with. I am left with nothing but my own thoughts that were, until recently, generally apathetic towards this newly discovered truth about myself.

Unfortunately, I believe I have become so accustomed to strapping a mask on each morning that I hardly realized the lies that have permeated my life. Most of what I am talking about is not the larger-than-life lies that one might associate with movie plots. I have not stolen someone’s identity, burned a friend’s house down or helped to hide a friend from the law. Nope. Most of my lies may seem rather boring and commonplace. They are the little white lies you tell someone because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. They are the times you say “yes” when everything within you is screaming “no!” because you are looking for approval. They are the smiles you wear when your insides are bursting- just because you want to demonstrate the appearance that ‘everything is ok.’ It is saying, “no, I didn’t do that” when you really did just to avoid the possibility of a petty argument which would likely not occur anyway. These are the things I am talking about. These are the things that I have too long ignored, the ones that my heart has been broken over.

But there is one lie that stands out above the rest. Whose presence is woven throughout my life more than any other. And this is that my life often does not reflect what my words say I am about. I confess with my mouth that I love the Lord, that I desire more than anything to love Him and to do His will, yet I live selfishly. My words tell of my desire to see others as if they were Christ, yet I gripe and gripe at the person who is walking too slow in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I say that I believe giving is important, yet I live in incredible excess! I say that I want to help the poor, yet I secretly resent those who cannot support themselves and attribute what I consider to be their “failures” to a lack of determination or laziness. I am called to love without strings attached. Yet I often find myself loving only in situations where the possibility of earthly benefit exists. What I am doing? I am living a lie.

Matthew 5:37 “Simply let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’; anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Am I living in this way? Or am I strapping on a mask to hide the truth? John 14:15: “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” Hold up! For some reason, this simple verse that I have read countless times before has recently developed a new significance in my life. If I love the Lord…..if I truly love Him, I will not simply speak about His word and about His calling- I will live it! I will obey! This means that when I am commanded to love the poor, I must love the poor! It is so much more than a suggestion, as in “oh, if you have time, it would be really great if you could be nice to the poor man down the street.” Nope….I am indeed commanded to love the poor! In the same way, I am told not to be anxious about anything! Again, this is not a suggestion that, “oh, I know you are going through a lot right now and things are hard, but try not to worry, ok?” Nope….God said “Do not be anxious about anything.” Whew! My mind blowin’ up!

And so I lay this out in front of you. Why? Because this is the true me! And my heart is changing. In new ways. Ways I didn’t know existed. And I want you to know that you are not alone! We are all in this together. And that, my friends, is something I am beyond grateful for!!!

These are My Confessions...

Aight’ y’all, bust out the Usher…. ‘cause these are my confessions! “Just when I thought I said all I could say…” Yes, I am aware of my complete and utter ridiculousness… but what would life be without it? You see, in the past few months, I have learned to appreciate the rawness of life. To see it for what it is….to see myself for the reality of what and who I am. And then…..and I am so thankful that there is an and then…to lay the shadowbox of the Lord’s incredible goodness and grace over the mess I have made in order to decipher what really matters.

As I attempt to continue to unpack this mind-bottling (yep, bottling…as in the words of Will Ferrel- because my thoughts feel like they are trapped in a bottle!) expedition of mine, I have realized that I am not the only one on this journey! There are countless others (you, perhaps) who are trudging through the same muddy waters as I am. And so….I have decided to share parts of my journey with you. And if you find yourself to be one of the many who is sharing in this journey with me, may you take heart in knowing that there is someone who is wading alongside you.

And as I think about where to begin…I simply can’t think of a better place than at the beginning. With who I am. So go ahead, cue Usher again…