Bandaid Days

Have you ever left a band-aid on for too long?  Maybe you meant to change it out before you went to sleep....or maybe you were on a trip where you couldn't take a shower for a few days and the fact that you had a nasty, infection-prone wound managed to escape the corners of your mind. Whatever your story (C'mon, we all know you've done it), I'm sure you remember the moment you finally mustered up enough guts to dislodge that glorious strip of plasticky fabric from your skin.  As if band-aids weren't difficult enough to remove already, you can be sure that the arduous adhesive with which your band-aid is fashioned will no doubt utilize its extended lifespan to grow nothing but stronger. 

No matter how bad the band-aid needs to come off...no matter how bad the wound needs to breathe in fresh air in order to heal...there is always a moment of extreme tension immediately before said 3-day-old band-aid is removed.  Why?  Because no matter how much we need to heal, we will always wince at the thought of the inevitable pain (however brief it may be) that is a necessary predecessor to healing. 

Today, I had a few long-standing band-aids ripped off.  There are corners of my heart that have been wounded for some time now.  And while I knew....I knew deep within me that the only way healing could begin would be to remove them...it has taken both a significant amount of time and the blessing of relational accountability to give me the guts to remove them.  Or, rather, to allow the Lord to remove them.  And while the pain of removal is no doubt substantial, I have rest in knowing that even my deepest wounds can now begin to breathe...can now begin to heal. 

I pray that if you are reading this with open wounds....with band-aids that need to be removed, that you will have the strength to rip them off. That you will be able to push back the momentary pain in order to experience the healing that can only come with openness and a little fresh air. 

A Panoramic View

I am thankful.  Really, truly thankful.  It's funny how often we analyze our lives and think, "well, if only this didn't happen this way... or if only I could have had that, or done that.  There isn't hardly a day that goes by when I don't question why things are they way things are in my life.  Why did that happen to me?  Why did things have to turn out that way? Why did he hurt me like that?  And most of all, why does such an incredible God allow such crazy things to happen in my life?  This evening, I was reminded of the answer.  Three simply words:  I don't know. 

The truth is, there is hardly an immediate answer for why things are the way they are.  If we knew why things happened the way they do, it seems as though someone, somewhere would be making millions from their new best-seller "Prevent the Inevitable Craziness of Your Life Before it Becomes Inevitable"...or something like that.  I'll be honest- if such a thing existed, you can be sure it would be on my top shelf.  

But let's step back for a moment.  When choosing to see my life in a more "panoramic" view, I have slowly been able to piece together the "whys" of my life.  I believe that Caedmon's call says it best in a few lines of one of my all-time favorite songs, "Lead of Love":

Looking back I know you had to bring me through

All that I was, so afraid of

Though I questioned the sky, now I see why

I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

Looking back- I see the lead of Love

Although we rarely realize it at the time, the "whys" of today just might be the ah-ha moments of tomorrow.  As I reflect on my life, I can't help but see the Lord's wonderful lead of love woven throughout my circumstances.  Although failures, hurtful relationships, and emotional struggles have left scars, it is these scars that have made me who I am.  I have been broken and I have been wounded.  I have lost friends, lost faith, and lost hope.  At times it seemed I had lost it all........but I have never lost the love of Christ.  And it is through these scars that I have been drawn to Him and his unconditional love, and it is with these scars that I pray I may share this love and hope with others.  

So today, I am thankful.  I am thankful for the reminder that my life is bigger than me.  That I don't need to know all the answers right now.  So go ahead.  Pull out that panoramic picture of your life.  It just might surprise you. 

Today, I am Lucy.

This is my mom's dog Lucy.  This picture exemplified perfectly how I feel today: relaxed, carefree, and ready to play.  Let's get this party started.