I am home.

Do you ever feel like you're just stuck in the middle? Like you just don't fit in anywhere?  As if you are the only square surrounded by circles.......the only blue in a sea of red.......the only reeses pieces that 'accidentally' fell into the M&M blizzard? (which, by the way, I could seriously go for right now)  

The past year of my life has been full of transition- personally and relationally, as well as through moves, changes in living situations, job changes, financial changes, and family changes. And while I generally welcome change with open arms and a huge smile (Ahhh heck I'll be honest- I'm often the one chasing change down!), there is one overarching emotion that seems to describe the state of my heart over this past year: I just feel displaced.  I feel like I've lost my way- lost that comfort zone where I know who I am, I know my role, and I know I belong. 

A few moments ago, I dragged my weary legs up the stairs after returning home from a semi-long training run.  Unfortunately I have not yet convinced myself that I love to run, so I am often stuck with the task of trying to entertain my mind just long enough to forget about the grueling task at hand.   This past year was the topic interesting enough to distract me today. My mind continuously sifted through the past year's events- the images...the conversations...and the circumstances.  Being the extreme over-analyzer that I am, I soon became frustrated by the level of uncertainty I perceive in my life.  And of course, as fate would have it........just at this very moment I was stopped by a not-so-cordial security officer, telling me that because I did not own one of the buildings within the retail park next to which I was running, I did NOT belong there and I could NEVER run there again.  "Gee," I thought to myself, "I really don't seem to belong anywhere!"

For a moment, I let myself wallow in the pity that comes from convincing yourself that the grass was actually greener on the FIRST side of the fence. (Or in my case, I just missed the comfort of certainty, of knowing where I belonged).  I stopped running per the officer's request, and started my walk home.  Frustrated, tired, and broken......half praying/half talking to myself.....I was reminded of these words...

"In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Christ Jesus, in accordance with his pleasure and will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One He loves......In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, may be for the praise of His glory." (Ephesians 1:5-6, 11-12).

And I realized, I DO have certainty.  I DO belong.  I am home.  It's funny how easily we can be consumed by what we perceive as necessity, and I am the queen of over-analyzing and worrying. When in reality, the security and purpose that I have in Christ is far greater than any instability or feelings of displacement I may experience here.  I am blessed to be a part of something so much bigger.  Tonight....if you are feeling like that lone Reese's pieces.....know that you DO have a part.....that you do belong.  And remember, if you don't own the building around which you are running, don't go. :)